About this episode
The busyness of life sometimes overtakes our schedules and sexual intimacy is pushed farther and farther down the list of priorities. In this episode, we consider whether or not to leave sexual intimacy as an afterthought.
- What are some of the benefits of consistent lovemaking?
- How can wives overcome their reluctance to schedule sexual intimacy?
- What are some practical things we can think about to commit to scheduling lovemaking?
Listen to the episode
From the Bible
What does God have to say about prioritizing your time?
Proverbs 3:27: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.”
Luke 14:28-31: “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’
“Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand?”
1 Corinthians 7:5: “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
Our Resources
Hot, Holy & Humorous: Sex in Marriage by God’s Design, Chapter 2, “Finding Time”
Hot, Holy & Humorous: How Often Should You Have Sex?
OysterBed7: Sex Scheduling can lead to Romance
OysterBed7: 5 Questions to ask to Create a Sexual Encounter Schedule
OysterBed7: I Love Knowing When Sex is Going to Happen
Other Resources
To Love, Honor, and Vacuum: Sex Scheduling in Marriage
One Extraordinary Marriage: 3 Steps to Schedule Sex in Your Marriage
Today’s Christian Woman: Sex Scheduling
Also see Episode 1: Getting in the Mood
Great podcast! Our family has a very structured schedule, so we’ve been scheduling for years. Something we are trying right now is sex earlier in the day. By the time 10pm rolls are round we, especially me, are so tired, it’s a huge effort to get started. Now that my husband has an earlier schedule, we’ve made our times earlier and it’s helping both of us enjoy it more. Preparing myself beforehand is also very helpful.
Thanks for the encouragement. We’re glad you are finding the shows valuable. Sex earlier in the day is wonderful to be able to prepare and for tired folks, if it can be managed! That’s great you found a way to enjoy intimacy together earlier in the day.
I totally agree about the earlier in the day. By the time I hit the pillow I don’t want to be messed with. Lol
I’m only partly thru the episode but it is great so far and will really help us, I think. We have tried this some in the past but probably need to get more serious/consistent about it. I do think my husband will resist a bit, he likes to be more “in the moment” and is a rebel/questioner (on Gretchen Rubins’s 4 Tendency chart) but hey if this is the only way he gets regular sex, I think he could be convinced to at least TRY for a schedule – ha. On the other hand – I can try to be more open to impromptu events.
I am curious about “asking for romance”. In my case it is relatedly, “asking for compliments.” as my love language is words of affirmation and he just has a real hard time with giving them. When I have to ask for them, it just hurts and doesn’t feel the same. I could write a lot more about this, (and probably will in my own journal) but wonder if you could perhaps do an episode about it? Or maybe you dive deeper in to it later in the episode.
I hope you can convince him to give scheduling a whirl! You have left a great question and we will put it in our queue.
Enjoying the podcast have subscribed to your various blogs. You mention the word “regular” many times in the podcast. Can you define “regular.”
Having sexual encounters on a regular schedule would be up to the couple to define regular. However, on average, 2 times per week is usually considered ‘regular.’
I will always maintain at least an hour available for intimacy at least five days a week.
This does not mean I will have sex with him at that time. I like to keep my schedule open in case he lusts after me I want to be able to promise him that he will be taken care of at that time.
Tracy, it is great that you know that sexual intimacy should be a priority in marriage and that you are making sure you have time available for that. The rest of your comment, however, saddens me. Sex is not only for your husband, and it is not about him lusting after you. Sex is for you, too–physically, mentally, emotionally, and yes, spiritually. It is for you just as much as it is for your husband. If all we do is be sexually available in case our husbands want an orgasm, we (wives and husbands both) are missing out on the best aspects of sex.