About this episode
Our listeners have varied experiences, and some may value knowing some basic principles from a physical and emotional perspective. So today, we’re getting back to the foundations of sexual intimacy, including what we wish we’d known going into marriage.
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From the Bible
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22–23
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. Galatians 5:13
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Greet one another with a kiss of love. Peace to all of you who are in Christ. 1 Peter 5:14
And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. 1 John 3:23
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4–7
Song of Songs (the mutuality and intimacy of sex in marriage)
“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. 1 Corinthians 10:23
Resources
- Q&A with J: Protecting Yourself from Infection – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- Dealing with Erection Problems – The Forgiven Wife
Should You Track the Frequency of Sex in Your Marriage? – Hot, Holy & Humorous - Episode 125: Is Sex a Need?
- Love Like a Woman: Should Your Sexual Response Be Like Your Husband’s? – The Forgiven Wife
- These 3 Actions Could Bring You to Orgasm – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- 5 Times of Day to Make Love – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- You’re Not Kissing Enough – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- Husbands, How to Help Your Wife Feel Sexy Again – CalmHealthySexy
- How Do You Like to Be Touched? – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- Female Ejaculation: Is It Real? – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- Orgasm Webinar
- Unlock Your Orgasm: Through a Christian Lens by Bonny Logsdon Burns
- Dear Wife, Sex is for You Too – CalmHealthySexy
- What Are the Real Purposes of Sex? – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- Episode 43: Rebuilding Her Trust, with Jessica McCleese – Knowing Her Sexually
- Faithful Counseling – get connected with a licensed Christian therapist
- Do I Have To? – The Forgiven Wife
- Setting Boundaries in the Bedroom – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- Is Anal Sex Okay? – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- 5 Ways to Talk About Sex with Your Husband – CalmHealthySexy
- Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations about Sex for Married Couples by J. Parker
- Couples Sharing Exercise (FANOS) (hopecounselingtexas.com)
- Do You Pray for Your Sex Life? – Hot, Holy & Humorous
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A husband here. My wife listens to all kinds of other podcasts, but none on marriage. I’ve been hoping to introduce her to some. Just listened to#128 and was enjoying it until “typical frequency “ was discussed. I believe J said that ONCE per week was a common number?! I am in my mid 50’s and once per week would be horrible. I have told my wife that I would like to be intimate 3-4 x a week. We rarely reach that, more like an average of 2-2.5. That is bare minimum in my mind even at my age. To be fair, she is older than me, but even then, only once a week? Where do you get data that verifies this number?
Eric, I did a presentation on how frequent sex should be in marriage, and I have a long list of resources I tapped into. So below is not a comprehensive list, but here are a few:
Chrisanna Northrup, Dr. Pepper Schwartz. “Sex at 50-plus: What’s Normal? – Older Married Couples, Having Sex, Re…” AARP. Accessed March 26, 2022. https://www.aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-01-2013/seniors-having-sex-older-couples.html.
Pace, Rachael, Rachael Pace, Angela Welch, and Rachael Pace. “How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex.” Marriage Advice – Expert Marriage Tips & Advice, January 31, 2022. https://www.marriage.com/advice/physical-intimacy/how-often-do-married-couples-have-sex/.
Cuffman, Tony, and Jay Martin. “How Often Should Couples Have Sex?” Med Decisions, May 17, 2020. https://www.med-decisions.com/how-often-should-couples-have-sex/.
Schnarch, Ph.D., David. “Normal Healthy Couples Have Sexual Desire Problems.” Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers. Accessed March 26, 2022. https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/intimacy-and-desire/201105/normal-healthy-couples-have-sexual-desire-problems.
SPSPnews. “Couples Who Have Sex Weekly Are Happiest.” EurekAlert! Accessed March 26, 2022. https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/654391.
Shute, Nancy. “Is Sex Once a Week Enough for a Happy Relationship?” NPR. NPR, November 18, 2015. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/11/18/456482701/is-sex-once-a-week-enough-for-a-happy-relationship.
My own recommendation is at least once a week, 2-3 times a week is even better. But if you both want to have sex daily or more, go for it!
~ J