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About this episode
Our guest today is Kevin A. Thompson, the lead pastor at Community Bible Church in western Arkansas, speaks at marriage and parenting conferences, and has authored three books, the most recent one titled Happily: 8 Commitments of Couples Who Laugh, Love & Last.
- In Happily, you start by talking about how we tend to think happy or unhappy marriages are a product of luck or unspoken rules like marrying the right person. We’ve also heard this with the idea of sexual compatibility. What do y’all think about that idea?
- You have eight commitments outlined in Happily, but one stuck out to me in particular about how we can misuse apathy and aggression in marriage. How do spouses misuse apathy and aggression when dealing with sex in their marriage?
- Kevin, you’ve been bold on your blog about how women should be treated with respect, speaking for #MeToo and other issues. We’ve also talked about that here. But how can wives get husbands to understand their experiences with harassment and abuse without seeming like we’re man-bashing?
- You’re a pastor, and while you can’t speak for all the others, we get this question sometimes and wonder how you’d answer: Why don’t pastors preach and teach more about sex?
- What if a wife is experiencing sexual issues in her marriage? How should she approach her male pastor, and what safeguards should be in place?
Kevin A. Thompson’s book is Happily: 8 Commitments of Couples Who Laugh, Love & Last, and check out his previous marriage book, Friends, Partners, and Lovers and his blog.
Listen to the episode
From the Bible
What does God have to say about our topic?
“Jesus said:
‘Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.'” – Matthew 5:3-10
“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. ” – Titus 2:3-5
Resources
- Want help talking about sex in your marriage? Pillow Talk: 40 Conversations About Sex for Married Couples by J. Parker. Priced at $2.99 for the ebook only through Valentine’s Day!
- Also check out Intimacy Mentoring from Chris Taylor
- How to Talk About Sex with Your Husband – CalmHealthySexy
- Let’s Make This Abundantly Clear – Kevin A. Thompson
- How Football Can Protect Women – Kevin A. Thompson
- What a Drunk Girl Deserves – Kevin A. Thompson
- This is how women feel about walking alone at night in their own neighborhoods – Washington Post
- This List Shows All the Things Women Do to Protect Themselves on a Daily Basis — & We’re Exhausted – Cafe Mom
- Will Your Pastor Preach on Sex? (with a sermon from Kevin) – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- A Message to Your Pastor (and Mine) – Hot, Holy & Humorous
- Never Call A Pastor for Premarital Counseling – Kevin A. Thompson
- What Men and Women Don’t Know About Sex – Kevin A. Thompson
I just don’t agree with this concept that men are arrogant and always think sex problems are the woman’s fault. I’m sure it happens, but I think all men think sex is their fault deep down. They might bury their head in the sand and not address it because they are so ashamed that they failed as a man, but what I heard Kevin say hasn’t been my experience and I don’t think it’s the majority of men.
Thank you for pointing out that there are different experiences in every marriage. What the four of us agree on, is that every marriage is different. I mean, just listen to each of our stories. So, while you don’t share Kevin’s experience, somebody out there does.
I have to admit that I didn’t get a good impression of Kevin Thompson from this podcast at all. I don’t read his blogs or books and I’m not familiar with any of his beliefs, from from my standpoint it sounded like a lot of pandering to women as well as sidestepping the importance of pastors speaking about sex.
His stance that pastors shouldn’t be talking about sex very much because it’s too personal is a really sad thing. Of course it’s personal. It also happens to be extremely broken in the majority of marriages. Here is a well known pastor telling everyone that pastors should more or less remain silent about sex (don’t get me started on the whole Song of Songs just having a sexual undertone).
Should older women and men mentor younger ones? Absolutely. But his fear of speaking about sex from the pulpit is a huge problem for me. We shouldn’t be ashamed of sexuality, we should celebrate it if it’s in the confines of God’s commandments.
Anyway, maybe it’s just me but if someone who is well respected by you bloggers isn’t willing to be bold about sex, I just feel we will always be fighting a losing battle.
Thank you, Brian, for being a loyal listener. I hear what you are saying. We do need boldness. However, I don’t think he was sidestepping as much as he was being mindful about the #metoo movement. There are many church leaders who have taken advantage of their position to perpetrate sexual misconduct. I didn’t hear him say “remain silent.” I heard him say that sex is a part of life, but it is a small percentage of life (although a very influential small percent) and you have to be sensitive to who is in the Sunday Morning worship pews.
I didn’t think he said pastors should be silent about sex. What I heard was that sex isn’t the only topic to address and that sensitivity is important. HOW we talk about these things really does matter. I think he’s been much bolder about sex that you are giving him credit for. He doesn’t make it the primary point of his ministry (that would be Jesus), but he has been bold in talking about it at all.
In any case, he is not afraid to speak of sex from the pulpit. Case in point:
https://www.kevinathompson.com/sunday-sermon-married-sex/
Having been the one who edited the episode, and thus listened to it like four times, I’m certain he did not say pastors shouldn’t preach about sex. Not to mention that I have seen that sermon Chris linked to in which Kevin preaches about sex. But I did hear him say that pastors have to be careful how they talk about sex and not to set themselves up as counselors when they have not been trained or licensed to do so. Ministering and counseling are separate functions (I’ve done both), and his position is that pastors should keep to their lane of speaking about sex scripturally and letting specific resources handle specific situations. Whether or not someone agrees, I totally get this approach, and I have seen Kevin be rather bold about addressing sexual topics both in his books and on his blog. It’s the big reason we had him on.