About this episode
Today’s listener questions are:
- My husband is really interested in me swallowing during oral sex. I don’t get it. I honestly don’t want to work up to it; it’s already taken a lot of effort just to give bjs and oral sex to him. But he keeps asking. I’m not sure what to do – keep saying no, or work through my gag reflex and dislike of the smell and try it? To be honest, it kind of grosses me out even thinking of swallowing. I’ve tried using the gag reflex sprays too and it doesn’t help much. I just need some advice.
- I’ve read in some books and blogs God’s biblical design and purpose is that sex is a) for reproduction b) for pleasure c) creating intimacy – these three purposes are independent of each other — reproduction is possible without pleasure/intimacy or pleasure can be possible without procreation. -the maximum goal of the Lord is intimacy, for happiness of the couple and because marriage represents intimacy between church and Jesus So.. Do you think it’s possible to have real intimacy without pleasure in sex? Like saying “if sex is not really pleasurable then intimacy is not really close” or “the greatest the pleasure the stronger the intimacy” or “a marriage can’t have actual intimacy without good sex” or “no sex, no intimacy”, etc. I know is a kind of strong question but I am struggling with this thought because I’ve read the three independent purposes of sex at some blogs/books, but I feel some explanations are missing, specially for we wives striving with orgasm or painful intercourse or trouble with arousal, so “pleasurable” is hardly a way to define sex life.
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From the Bible
What does God have to say about these issues?
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. – Ephesians 5:28
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I have come to my garden-my sister, my bride. I gather my myrrh with my spices. I eat my honeycomb with my honey. I drink my wine with my milk. Eat, friends! Drink, be intoxicated with love! – Song of Songs 5:1
Resources
What Are the Real Purposes of Sex? – Hot, Holy & Humorous
Sex’s Primary Job is not Lust Management – Bonny’s OysterBed7
International Pelvic Pain Society
National Vulvodynia Association
Finding a Good Gynecologist – Hot, Holy & Humorous
Do I Have To? – The Forgiven Wife
Oral Sex: Spit, or Swallow? – The Forgiven Wife
Enjoying Your Husband’s Semen – The Forgiven Wife
Dealing with a Gag Reflex – The Forgiven Wife
Goodhead Fundamentals Kit from Married Dance (affiliate link)
Marital Aid Pilot Program from Married Dance (affiliate link)
When It Hurts: Maintaining Sexual Intimacy While Dealing with Pain – The Forgiven Wife
Maintaining Sexual Intimacy When Sex isn’t Possible – Messy Marriage
Dealing with Vulvovaginal Atrophy without Hormones – The Forgiven Wife
Episode 65: Female Sexual Health
Q&A with J: Should You Just Swallow Already?
Is Giving a “Blow Job” Enjoyable for the Wife?
