About this episode
Around 20% of marriages are sexless. That is, the couple has sexual activity ten or fewer times per year. About ten years ago, a New York Times study indicated that 15% of couples haven’t had sex in at least six months.
Sexlessness in a marriage can be a source of deep pain—and if often reflects pain as well.
Today we’re going to talk about sexless marriages and what you can do about it if you’re in one.
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From the Bible
What does God have to say about sexless marriages?
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Song of Songs
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” Galatians 5:13
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2:3-4
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
“‘Haven’t you read,’ he replied, ‘that at the beginning the Creator “made them male and female,” and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.'” Matthew 19:4-6
How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights! – Song of Songs 7:6
Resources
Books
Unlock Your Libido: 52-Week Sex Drive Transformation by Bonny Logsdon Burns
Intimacy Revealed: 52 Devotions to Enhance Sex in Marriage by J. Parker
Marriage Class
Dynamic Marriage (9 week course)
Blogs
Bonny’s OysterBed7
Team Work Makes The Dream Work (includes the 59 one another passages)
Why Sex? (neurochemical info)
Flirty Texts
Why Knowing Your Low Drive Spouse’s Love Language Is Important
Move Mismatched Sex Drives Toward Better
Ways to Align Mismatched Sex Drives – @Messy Marriage
Helping Mismatched Sex Drives Become More Matched
How to Arouse Sexual Desire Through Emotional Connection
Eliminate These to Help Grow Mismatched Sex Drives
Calm.Healthy.Sexy (Gaye Christmus)
Dear Wife, You Deserve a Great Sex Life Too
Hot, Holy, & Humorous (J. Parker)
Just Because He Stopped Asking Doesn’t Mean He Stopped Wanting
Is Refusing Sex in Marriage a Sin?
Q&A with J: “What If Neither of Us Desires Sex?”
Q&A with J: I’m in a Sexless Marriage
Q&A with J: “My Sexless Marriage Is Making Me Lose My Faith in God”
Is the Church Failing Sexless Marriages?
Q&A with J: “What Can I Do About My Sexless Marriage?” Part 1
Q&A with J: “What Can I Do About My Sexless Marriage?” Part 2
Q&A with J: “What Can I Do About My Sexless Marriage?” Part 3
Q&A with J: “What Can I Do About My Sexless Marriage?” Part 4
A Prayer for Sexless Marriages
Q&A with J: How Do I Write a Post that Helps Sexless Marriages?
How the Sexually Rejected Spouse Feels
How the Sexually Disinterested Spouse Feels
The Forgiven Wife (Chris Taylor)
A Moment of Hard Truth
Leaving a Sexless Marriage
Living in a Nearly Sexless Marriage
Is a Sexless Marriage a Loveless Marriage?
I would love to have the list of “one another” bible verses discussed in the podcast. Is there a way to post a link/or even the list?
Hi Kelley, the one another passages are available on a downloadable PDF in this post. Team Work Makes the Dream Work – Bonny’s OysterBed7
I want to sincerely thank each of you for airing this topic. I realize most of your listeners are wives, but this discussion is needful for both sexes. I’m sure you have heard of the male emotions (very strong) that surface during years of this condition – feeling alone, frustration, some anger. It seems we obsess about that which we are denied. Realizing that obsession and “over-desires” are probably sinful, that introduces another factor for the Believer.
I am now intentional about placing my wife first and freely giving the conversation that she desperately requires. I have always shied away from confrontation, so it is difficult for me to initiate highly personal yet very needful sharing and communication. thank you again!