About this episode
This episode concludes our “Conversation about Porn” 3-part series. The four of us return as a group around the virtual kitchen table to help give some perspective and thoughts on moving forward in a marriage after pornography use is discovered.
(Just a quick aside, we are aware that pornography isn’t just a problem husbands have. There are also wives battling the urge to consume porn or read erotica. In a future episode, we will tackle that. But, for today, we are focusing on a marriage where the husband has been viewing porn.)
- How can a wife capture ruminating thoughts to soothe her pain?
- How can a wife find forgiveness and rebuild trust?
- When should they resume sexual intimacy?
- What we say to men who believe that a sexless marriage attributed to their temptation.
Listen to the episode
From the Bible
1 Corinthians 7:5 – Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Resources
How Long Will It Take Her To Heal? – Covenant Eyes
When Lust Trains Your Soul – Covenant Eyes
The Three Levels of Sexual Addiction – The New Hope Recovery Center
Finding Courage to Face the Pain of Pornography – Bonny’s OysterBed7
First Steps in Battling Pornography – Bonny’s OysterBed7
Waging War – Bonny’s OysterBed7
Porn Plagued Us Until This Happened – Bonny’s OysterBed7
Why Does He Watch Porn? – Bonny’s OysterBed7
Is Porn Use an Addiction (and Does It Even Matter)? – The Forgiven Wife
If Your Husband Uses Pornography – The Forgiven Wife
What do you suggest a wife do when the husband feels he has no accountability to anyone? He is not willing stop viewing porn. It’s no big deal to him.
I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. If you haven’t already, find a Christian counselor that specializes in betrayal trauma for spouses and make an appointment. This counselor can help you understand boundaries and ways to implement them. Read the book, “Boundaries.” “Real Hope True Freedom: Understanding and coping with sex addiction,” has a great section for spouses. Pray, pray, pray for the Holy Spirit to convict his heart.
I am praying. I have read Boundaries. I’m not the one who needs counseling and husband says he isn’t going for marriage counseling but he says he doesn’t want divorced. I can’t for the life of me figure that one out. He barely says two words to me during the day. Pecks me on the lips before he goes to bed. We don’t share a room. There is no intimacy. Sex is just that. Sex. My pastor said that I have to do what I feel is right before God.
Ladies, and particularly Bonny—
Thank you so much for sharing your hearts and thoughts. This is a powerful and important series of episodes. As a former addict myself, you hit square on the head so many facets of what I thought and what I deluded myself (was deluded by the Enemy?) into believing. And as a former addict, I take particular inspiration from Bonny’s citing of Jael’s story in Judges. I’m bookmarking that one in my mobile Bible, and linking it with Ephesians 6.12 “For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age” (GNB).
Though a husband, I love your podcasts. Keep up the great work with this great ministry.
Blessings!